well, had some time walikng around town ytd wit tohlin, euegen and jianyao... went to city hall and met them at ard 2pm where jianyao was late, probably cause he was doling himself up but it was worth it cause he looked nice, not that he usually didnt.. then tohlin and eugene looked like a lovely couple with big smiles and happy faces... haha.. and me just a mat wannabe... lol... then from then when thru city link mall where jianyao made a pass a bare manicuine and i was like, ' it's just a doll', and i'll never forget wat he said, ' as long as it has a shape of a woman i'm ok with it', so i said,' so if it's a guy with a woman's figure, u're ok also la'... so funni!! but i knew wat he meant la, just trying to play ard with words..

then from there we went to marina square where we had MOF for lunch... hahaha... suppose to have a light lunch but ended up eating quite abit... i felt so sinful well i wasn't realli suppose to eat too much de.. but nvm, new year's eve eve.. hahah... well then we met mao2 along, he wanted to buy smth.. when to zara to see the jackets, was nice but to matish... oh well.... then smth realli funni happen, but i care not elaborate about it.. but those who were with me will know about the drama story..

then went mcdonalds for coke, i became addicted to coke! haha.. i dunno...been acting and behaving very differently recently.. must be the weather.. so then when to find tohlin's bag at quicksilver and nike, she wanted both so yeah, it was nice actually... then went back to raffles city shopping centre waddled ard and ended up at starbucks for coffee, but since it was sinfully sweet, i didnt get any.. hahah.. well, then ard 8.20pm we left starbucks and went home, well at least they did, but i went off somewhere for awhile.. haha... shhh...

then went home and well slept like a really tired pig.. ha! and well, started counting down to jianyao's birthday, sian, i was number 2 to wish him... haha.. so then started counting down new year too..! hahah.. well we'll see...

byebye....

I'm feeling sorat better today.... woke up like at 12pm... felt great, well felt pretty normal to me! then from then i went down to town to get my contact lenses from the shop i usually go to at wheellock.. turns out they rain out of stock so i bought the contacts with the ultraviolet protection, super cool and feel nice to look around in..

Anyways, after that purchase, went o walk around and decide to go to cyberdome to have a game of dota, was pretty bored and alone anyways.. then well yeah, played awhile.. until my fren called to ask to go for this band concert at victoria concert hall at around 7.30pm..

Man, i actually didnt want to go, but since she seemed pretty lonely and sad cause no one wanted to go with her, i said ok, oh was i going to regret it.. but at that point of time i was just wearing shorts and a shirt, super unpleasant looking in case u dun know, so i went home to change and tt was like about 5.30pm and i had to meet her at 6.30pm at tiong bahru!

Gosh! i rushed from orchard to like home, reached like about 6pm and took the first shirt i saw and put it on.. rush out, was about 6.15pm so i took a cab, the driver was this old indian guy, he was freaking a loser driver, driving like at 60km/h.. obviously only wants the money! so reached tiong bahru and met her and went off to victoria concert hall..

Anyways, when we reached, got the tickets, her fren actually accidentally tore her ticket but still valid none the less.. well the band performance was nice just a little too long, 2hours, but reach they had great harmony between them, i wished i had such harmony in life, would be so pleasant... after that we went t have dinner at rivervalley road, spice restaurant.. had a hell of a meal, 1 fried rice, 2 plain and 1 egg prata... then we gossiped about someone** and i found out alot of stuff i wished i didnt have to know cause it realli breaks my heart... sigh... wat a waste right?

Yawns... well then i went home and well here i am! hmmm.... nth much to write about today.. shall write about tml's day tml after it happens, not like i'm issac mendez can tell future.. XD.. hahaha... my first laugh in this post.. well good night my frens. have a pleasant night... god bless..

*pls take note: i do not appreciate if i keep saying stuff i do not like ok? so pls waddle of before i do something drastic...

Lost. today, well its was sorta like yesterday, yeah so i went to work of course. pretty boring had to keep smiling and all that shit greeting and i dunno, the ambience in the shop seems to be tense cause vince yip was there.

Oh well, wasnt feeling pretty good to being, was so tired, my first arguement of the day was with my father cause well he just dun understand, i didnt even wanted to shout at him but its just i cant control my actions no longer, and its like a lost state of mind...

Very soon after shouting at him i felt sorta hurt cause i didnt want to, but i did and it just made my day even worst.. then right now i'm all alone again, my parents overseas for the weekend, my brother off somewhere not returning till sunday and me just feeling very very lost..

Eh... i actually wanted to just walk around sg with my fren just for the fun of it, but seems like everyone was too busy, i dun blame them, they have a life, unlike me i'm just so weird... i can actually feel my heart being crushed by an invisible force in my body and its like a heartache but it just keeps coming everyday... i cant help it, not that i dun want to, but my heart just feels the ache from the fath that i have choosen... its is not always clear why, but i do believe that there's always hope in the world for everyone, just that my pool of hope is being dried up..

HURTS... i hope tml will be a more eventful day.... mayb i'll die in bed... who knows.... anything would be better than where i am right now...

*Ever posts means something, this means you.....

Today, 28th December, Friday i begin my story of my life, a life i have been hiding behind a smile, a smile i have carried with me for the past 6years of my life, a smile to hide the unbearable truth that life has laid before me..

I am actually a normal boy trying to make perfect out of my life, and over the years i see that if i lived in the shadow of my emotions and hid them deep within me, i could seem like the happiest person alive, but someone can onli hold in for so long. I've noticed myself becoming more and more different than i was, losing control of my very actions and feelings gushing out of my throat, too fast for me to grab hold and secure one.. A my seacrh for my perfection has left me in a most imperfect state..

Only thru this blog can i tell and pour my true feelings without being judged or spoken back... Those who know me, do not judge me for who i seem to be, i am very different than from wat u know me of...

With that aside, today's been a very calm day, when home on bus no.7 ard 6.22am and reached the intechange about 7.03am, actually slept on the bus and was awaken by the driver.. walked home like a half dead zombie and well was feeling kinda sad the whole morning even with the gang around staying up at Mcdonalds.. at least there was like a 25min period why i was kinda happy, i guess.. reached home, i took a shower changed and slept till 10am.. and been doing stuff, laying around till now, about 4.25pm.. feeling kind of tired but gotta go work later..

Life seriously has reach the end for me, i see no point in living but i still reach a spot of hope resting around me, hope so small that even i would be content just to hold on to it, but just as long as time allows me too.. and i've been asking strange questions ard, and well there r hidden meanings to them...

sometimes i wonder is life always like this or is there smth more that i have not seen to decide anything yet... all i know, i'm lost...